Things that are NOT to be Said to Adoptees:
1. You're special because you're adopted.
2. You were chosen.
3. Your mother loved you so much that she
gave you
up.
4. You're lucky.
5. It doesn't matter.
6. You shouldn't be angry.
7. You shouldn't be sad.
8. You should be careful what you ask for --
you
might get it.
9. By finding her, you're invading her life.
10. Why are you interested in someone who
didn't
want you ?
11. Why do you want to find someone you
didn't ever
know?
12. Ever since you started searching you have
become
obsessed.
13. ...but your adoptive parents love(d) you
so much.
14. ...but you're hurting your adoptive
parents
15. Babies don't remember anything.
16. You're being ungrateful!
17. You have no respect for your adoptive
parents.
18. Get over it!
19. If she loved you, she wouldn't have given
you
away.
20. You're being over sensititve
21. Forget it and get on with your life.
22. Why would you want to find her?
23. It's the past, you can't change it.
24. You have no right to disturb her life.
25. ...but your adoptive parents really
wanted you.
26. ...What's wrong? Weren't your adoptive
parents
good enough?
27. You're being selfish and disrespectful!
28. Didn't your parents do a good enough job?
29. How many mothers do you need?
30. Oh...you're one of them?
31. You adopted children should respect her
privacy.
32. ...but you look like you come from such a
good
family.
33. ...but you don't look adopted.
34. Well, maybe that's the way it was meant
to be.
35. If she didn't want you then, why would
she want
you now. You'll get rejected.
36. You might be opening Pandora's Box
37. You don't need to know
38. Your grandmother (grandfather, aunt,
uncle,
other family member, etc.) doesn't consider you "family"
because you're
not blood-related.
39. Ohh, your so lucky you could be
someones
love child.
40. What's it like being adopted?
41. You don't look like your family, are you adopted
or something?
42. Get over it!
43
You
do not need to know your history.
Things that are NOT to be Said to Exiled Mothers
<>1. Forget about it (your baby) and get on with your life. My response was always, she is my life.
1. How much did she/he cost?
2. Why did you go and adopt--couldn't
you have
your "own" child?
3. Did you buy that baby?
4. Maybe now that you adopted, you'll
have
"your own" child.
5. She/He looks nothing like either of
you.
6. What are you going to do when she/he
looks
for their birthparent?
7. Do you know her/his "real" parents?
8. I sure hope he/she fits into your
family!
9. Why didn't his/her real mom want
him/her?
10. Don't even tell him/her they are
adopted,
they'll never know.
11. Too bad you had to adopt!
12. Whose fault is it you can't get
pregnant?
13. You're doing these kids such a
favor.
14. S/he is so lucky to have your
family
instead of his/her own.
15. An older child is damaged goods .
16. She's your daughter?
17. What about your own kids? What do they think
about this?
18. She might come from a cursed background.
19. What are you going to do when you have kids of
your
own?
20. Do you think you love them as much as you could
love your
real
kids?
21. You got kids the easy way you never even had to be
pregnant.
22. What if the real parents come back and kidnap
them?
If you have any suggestions to add to the listsor if you know any good ways to respond when someone says these things or if you have any comments, please e-mail us at info@adoptionhealing.com
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Last
Updated on February 11, 2011 by Joe Soll
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